Defining Okay
by TamieH
Summary: An attempt to work through the reveal from Chloe's POV. Short with (3 Chapters). I hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Detective Chloe Decker took the stairs down from the rooftop as quickly as her battered body would allow, trying to piece together the last few minutes.

She remembered being shot. The bullet struck her chest with enough force to make her black out, but the Kevlar vest under her shirt kept her alive.

Even so, she should have died. She and Lucifer had been lured into a kill-box crafted by Marcus Pierce. They had been trapped by a ring of armed men surrounding them on the main level and also from above. She took a shot at Marcus, knowing she wouldn't survive.

She regained consciousness with Lucifer holding her, looking incredibly worried. Unbelievably, they were on the roof, removed from the danger. She remembered saying they had to find Pierce. One minute Lucifer was with her, and the next he was gone.

She should have heard his footsteps receding; couldn't have missed the heavy stairwell door being opened, but there was no sound other than a whoosh of wind.

She stood up and tried to get her body to move just as Dan called her cellphone. She barely listened as he told her it was a trap; her thoughts were on the moments after she was shot.

The bullet struck hard, and she blacked out. The force knocked her backward into Lucifer who stood directly behind her. But then what? Pierce's men would have opened fire. It just wasn't possible for an unarmed man to get her out of Marcus' trap.

Memories flashed, touching on every instance of weirdness surrounding Lucifer. She had catalogued them all, as was her nature, but her heart promptly dismissed everything she noticed. Now her mind could no longer shut out the evidence of Lucifer's true identity. Her partner was telling the truth, he had been all along. Her fact-driven thinking demanded she stop pretending, but the conclusion she came to wasn't acceptable; Chloe pushed it away again. She hung up the phone when she heard gunshots. She had to get to Lucifer.

She found her way back to the scene of the ambush and immediately registered the silence of the space. No one was moving. She saw men scattered around on the floor like so much debris, white feathers tinged with red surrounding them, and then she saw her partner kneeling beside Pierce's body. She called to him, "Lucifer…" He stood up and turned…

The loud, unexpected ring of Chloe's cell phone brought her back to the present. She jumped and nearly fell off her couch as she reached for the device. She checked the screen and answered quickly, "Decker." She listened for a moment, "Yes, Dan, I'm okay. I just need some time to get over the situation with Pierce…"

It was a half-truth. Her need for time off had nothing to do with Pierce's death and everything to do with Lucifer. She listened again, trying to focus, "Yes, my Mom is keeping Trixie for a few days. I'll see you at Charlotte's funeral. Bye."

She tossed her phone down and stretched out on the couch staring at the ceiling. It felt odd to be alone in the house. Trixie should be doing homework and Maze should be sparring with her knives. Chloe's mind jumped from Maze as roommate and babysitter to the insanity of the truth. Maze was a demon.

Trixie and Chloe lived with a demon. Fear welled up in her, as it had repeatedly for the past two days. She forced herself to think. Maze had never harmed them. She had hurt Trixie's feelings in her recent struggles to deal with humanity and the wish to go home, to Hell…

A small terrified laugh bubbled up as Chloe's mind threatened to implode. She took a few deep breaths. Everything was all right. Maze was busy guarding Linda Martin.

Linda had called just hours after the 'event' to offer her services should Chloe want to talk. Linda also assured her that Maze had been _ordered_ by Lucifer to stay away from the Decker household. Chloe rubbed her hands over her eyes and laughed to herself. How thoughtful of the Devil. The Devil… Her partner was the actual Devil.

She sat up, too jittery to stay still. She stood and began to pace the small living area. For two days she had tried to comprehend the truth of Lucifer, but her mind kept locking up. She couldn't get past the concept that God was real. Her brain kept jumping back and forth from the huge shift in her beliefs to Lucifer. The idea of Heaven and Hell freaked her out, yet her heart kept circling back to thoughts of him as the man she loved. Then the image of his ruined face and burning eyes would fill her mind and she would be consumed by the reality of his monstrous side.

She sat on the stairs and buried her face in her hands. How could she move forward? The monstrous side was part of Lucifer, the part that punished evil. Did she need to fear that part of him? Bits of past conversations confirmed he always told her the truth. All the impossible things she had witnessed were real. She re-lived moments of happiness, when the connection between them was strong and steady. She remembered his face the night he admitted he was afraid that if she knew all of him, she would run away. A tear slid through her fingers. He had been right to be afraid.

She now understood why Lucifer was so different and in understanding, felt hopeless and heartbroken.

She loved the man, but how was she supposed to love an immortal, a fallen angel?

She shook her head, wishing she could take back her shock and fear when she had finally seen the truth. Lucifer had been deeply hurt by her reaction.

Shame and regret poured through her, as she recalled the night she asked Lucifer to open up to her; telling him that nothing would change how she felt about him. That after three years, she 'knew' him. What a fool she had been.

Chloe accepted that life was often hard and unfair, but she always faced whatever happened and looked for the good. Despite what religion taught, despite her own fear, she trusted her gut. Lucifer was basically good. She had witnessed it over and over. She trusted him with her life. But she didn't know if he would ever trust her again. She had messed up badly.

But he had messed up too. She wiped her eyes, and then banged her fists against the stair-step she sat on. _It wasn't fair, damn it!_ She had fallen in love, only to have happiness ripped away again and again. Lucifer sabotaged their relationship every time she got too close. Now the strange way he acted during her relationship with Pierce began to make sense. Either he didn't know how to ask for love or didn't think he was worth it.

She sat up straighter, eyes going wide, he didn't think he was worthy of her. He might be as old as creation, but from the time humans came into being, Lucifer had been forced to run Hell. Despite being immortal, he hadn't had much in the way of happiness. He didn't know how to handle someone actually caring about him. Then when he finally, FINALLY admitted he did care for her, and told her he was the Devil, she had refused to believe it and assured him that she didn't see him that way. Within hours, she did see and had gone to pieces.

 _Well to Hell with that,_ she thought, and laughter bubbled up inside her as she realized again, that Hell was an actual place. Her laughter turned into a sob. After a few moments, she straightened her shoulders and pushed her hair back out of her face _._

With sudden resolve, she stood up and grabbed her car keys. She needed to see her partner.


	2. Chapter 2

Chloe heard the sound of the piano as soon as she stepped into the penthouse elevator at Lux. The music was deep and dark and infinitely sad. As the elevator began to ascend, she could picture Lucifer channeling pain through his fingertips into the keys. Each note flowed into her torn heart filling her with sorrow.

She stepped out of the elevator at the same time that Lucifer stopped playing and reached for his drink.

He gave her a surprised smile before the reality of the past two days wiped it from his face. The smile was replaced with a worried look and a softly spoken question, "Detective, to what do I owe this visit? Is there something I can do for you?"

Chloe stared at him. Her heartbeat sped up as she really looked at him. This was her Lucifer, beautiful in his human form; and such a stark contrast to his other side. Fresh tears formed in her eyes, but she blinked them away and forced herself to move.

She walked up to the piano, and noticed the normally pristine surface was littered with at least 50 spent bullets, all coated rusty brown. Blood.

She gave Lucifer a questioning look at she pointed to the bullets. He glanced at them but merely took a drink out of his glass, then shrugged and said, "Souvenirs."

She wasn't sure she understood, but she let the topic drop as she had other things to say. She crossed her hands nervously over her chest. "We need to talk."

He stood up and walked to the bar, refilling his glass. "Of course. Please sit down." He indicated the couch, and allowed her to settle on one side while he sat across from her.

He stared at her silently waiting.

"You're the Devil," she stated simply.

He gave her a look of infinite sadness, "Yes."

"You're strong, you can make people desire you, you can force them to reveal their secrets, and you have wings, right?"

"Yes, Detective, I'm very strong, and my wings are back. However, I don't make anyone do anything. For most humans, I radiate sexuality. They want this body and the pleasure I can give them. I can also encourage people to tell me their desires and thus find out what they are hiding."

"Why doesn't your power work on me?"

"I really don't know, but I think it has to do with the fact that my Father put you in this time and place knowing we would meet."

The concept of fate popped into Chloe's mind, but it popped right back out, as she heard his next words.

"I can't use my power on you and you make me human."

"What?"

"I only bleed when I'm near you. I can be shot, hurt."

The color drained from Chloe's face, as she stammered, "Pierce could have killed you. You asked me to step aside knowing you would die." Her eyes shifted back to the bullets on top of the piano. "Lucifer, were you hurt?"

He looked away from her. "I prefer not to answer that."

She took that as a yes. She remembered him taking a knife for her, remembered Malcolm and all the blood, remembered him carrying her out of the burning restaurant…" He had saved her over and over again. Overwhelmed, she brought her legs up to her chest and buried her face in her knees, sobbing.

Lucifer stared at her, not really sure what to do.

He had broken the Detective, again. He wanted to offer comfort, but feared she would scream if he touched her. He moved to sit beside her, gently using her name as a question, "Chloe?"

She stilled at his voice, trying to control herself. Her chest ached so badly, and she wanted to hide, but she raised her head, her drenched eyes searching him out. Lucifer watched her, and the pain on his face was greater than anything she had ever seen. Chloe cried out, needing to stop his pain as well as her own. She reached for him, grasping his shirt. She buried her face against his chest, and cried her heart out. Between sobs, she mumbled over and over, "Lucifer, I'm so sorry."

Lucifer brought his arms around her drawing her into his lap. He rocked her, not sure why that seemed to be the right thing to do. His head came down to rest against the top of hers; quietly holding her while she cried.

After what seemed like an eternity, her sobs stopped, her breathing evened out and her body relaxed against him. Lucifer realized she had fallen into an exhausted sleep. He shifted on the couch, determined to hold her all night; knowing that it might be the last time.

He spent the next several hours wondering what would happen when she woke up.


	3. Chapter 3

The morning light pressed gently against Chloe's closed eyelids. She felt warm and safe. She opened her eyes slowly, but immediately shut them tight as she became aware that Lucifer was holding her. She was stretched out on top of him with her back against the couch cushions and one of Lucifer's arms. Her chest was pressed against his, while her waist was secured by the weight of his other arm. His breathing was deep and steady, indicating he was still asleep. She wondered if she could carefully get out of his hold and roll off the couch without waking him. She couldn't believe she had lost control and cried all over him. She shifted slightly to see if he would release her. Instead, his arms tightened slightly for a moment, lightly caressing her back, before he dropped them away from her and tipped his face down, "Good morning," he said carefully.

Chloe sat up, maneuvering herself off his body as they both shifted to sit next to each other. She gave him an embarrassed frown, "Hi. Look, I'm sorry for all the tears."

He gave her a look of complete confusion, "I'm sorry for causing all the tears, Detective."

"It wasn't your fault. And if it makes you feel any better, you are the only person I would bawl all over. I trust you." She wrung her hand together, "Can I ask you a question?"

Lucifer took a few seconds to process her words, "You can ask me anything. I won't lie to you."

"Then why me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you are immortal and part of a reality I couldn't believe existed. Why do you care about me?"

Lucifer took a deep breath, "I'm not sure I know. When I first met you, the fact that my powers didn't work on you vexed me considerably. You were a puzzle. Then as I spent more time with you, I began to feel things. Emotions. I'm attracted to you, and not just physically." He looked away from her, getting ready for the rejection he believed he deserved.

"Lucifer, I told you that nothing could change how I feel about you. When I said that, it was in the context of the world I knew. The reality I believed existed."

Lucifer dropped his head, dreading her next words. He decided to make things easier. He started to talk, trying to take the burden from her, "Chloe, I understand there is no place in your life for me. I am a dangerous monster and a magnet for evil." His voice became a hoarse whisper, "Your life will be so much better without me. I know that and accept it."

Chloe shook her head in distress, but Lucifer hurried on, "I wasn't strong enough to let go. Your relationship with Pierce bothered me more than I cared to admit. But when you turned him down, I took a chance. At Linda's urging, I told you how I felt and for one brief, shining moment, I thought I had gotten my own true desire. You chose me. I actually believed I could be with you and care for you." He clenched his fist and mocked his own foolishness, "A happy ending for the Devil…"

Unable to look at her any longer, he tipped his head down to run his hands through his hair, "Then it literally all went to Hell when you saw my Devil face." He gave an empty laugh, "Apologies, again Detective. That was not how I wished for you to learn that particular truth."

Lucifer kept the rest of his thoughts to himself. It was a fool's game to think he would be allowed to love her. Nothing would ever happen between them. The look on her face when she saw the real him… Lucifer's face became a mask of anger. This was his father's doing. Chloe had been created to destroy him and in such a cruel way. She was the perfect human to snare him and make him feel. Make him love; so that the loss of her would be the grandest torture, rivaling anything he and his demons had ever done in Hell.

Chloe's eyes glazed with tears as she heard Lucifer's side of the story. She was his desire! She reached for his hand as she tried to put her feelings into words, "First, you are not a monster. You are a good man. Second, I'm glad you told me how you feel. I've wanted to hear that from you for so long."

Lucifer looked down at her hand holding his, once again astounded by her goodness.

She continued softly, "But accepting you for who you truly are is going to take some time. Can you give me that time and can you forgive me for the way I acted when my reality shifted? It was a pretty big shock to find out that God is real and that Heaven and Hell exist."

Lucifer's mouth hung open, unable to believe what he was hearing, "You are asking me for forgiveness?"

She nodded slowly, watching as his dark eyes shifted from their joined hands to gaze into her eyes hopefully.

He slid off the couch and sank to his knees, "Chloe, I'm the one who should beg your forgiveness. I never wanted to scare you or hurt you in any way."

She smiled softly, emotionally exhausted and still unsettled by her new knowledge, but satisfied by the beginning they had made, "So neither one of us wants to hurt the other. I think that's a good place to start…"

She gave him a sideways glance, "Still like to play cop?"

Lucifer gave her a broad smile, "I like to play in general, Detective…"

"All right, I'll call you when the next case drops."

Lucifer stood up quickly, offering his hand to help her stand.

She lingered for a moment, enjoying the feel of his strong, warm hand beneath hers before she released him. She walked to the elevator and then turned to give him an encouraging smile, "Everything's going to be okay."

He gave her a puzzled look, "Can you define 'okay'?"

Chloe shook her head and smiled as the elevator doors closed.

Lucifer stared at the elevator long after Chloe was gone.

Perhaps both he and the Detective did have free will. Perhaps they could start over; because more than anything, he wanted to know if Chloe could love him again. Despite whatever difficulties, he planned to find out.

Smiling defiantly, he walked out onto the balcony to gaze up at the stars.


End file.
